sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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