Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
