the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
