Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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