i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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