whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
