I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
