Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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