you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
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