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When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
