Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
