I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
