I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
