Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
