One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
