i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
