You smell like a Billy Joel song
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
