I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
