1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
