On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
