u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
