you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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