I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
