just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
