sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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