This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
