There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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