I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
