i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
