Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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