Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
