My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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