TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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