so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
