The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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