I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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