love makes seman taste better
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
