You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My cat gives me a boner
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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