never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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