1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
