grandma shit on top of the toilet
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
