Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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