i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize