Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
