No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
