her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
