My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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