apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
