2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
