i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
