where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
