She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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