Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
