i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
