i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
