I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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