i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
