The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
did you just send me my own nude
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
