I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
