So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
