Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
