Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
