I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
