JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
