my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
