this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
