Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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