garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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