I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
