Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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