if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
